


Yo I Got A Fake ID Though

by UnhelpfulPanda



Series: NSFW Stridercest Week [2]
Category: Homestuck
Genre: Alternate Universe - No Sburb Session, Human Davesprite, M/M, Public Blow Jobs, Stridercest Week, Twin Striders, Twincest, all characters minus dave dirk and davesprite are minor, davesprite is kinda minor kinda not idk, fake I.D.s, the dave/davesprite/dirk is only at the end and kinda only implied, they are 19 though so don't worry
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-01-20
Updated: 2017-01-20
Packaged: 2018-09-18 18:35:37
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,448
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9397820
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/UnhelpfulPanda/pseuds/UnhelpfulPanda
Summary: Things are tense between twins Dirk and Dave, so Dirk gets him and Dave fake I.D.s so they can go see Dave's favorite DJ, DJ Birdboy, playing in a club. Dave is a sexy dancer, though, and Dirk has low self control. What will happen?(Stridercest Week and nsfw Stridercest week day 3, title a reference to"Tipsy"by J-Kwon)





	1. Yo I Got a Fake ID Though

**Author's Note:**

> Dirk/Dave (and a bit of Dirk/Dave/Davesprite at the end)
> 
> for Stridercest Week and nsfw Stridercest Week day 3: Ideal Date/Outdoors or Public Place (respectively)
> 
> as stated in the summary, the title is a reference to the beginning of the song [ "Tipsy"](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RFnI-JmQh84) by J-Kwon)

            Things get tense when you fuck your twin brother, as Dave recently learned. Who would’ve guessed that one, right?

            Ever since that messy, desperate first time, pants bunched around his knees and t-shirt bunched up under his armpits, humping Dirk like he would die if he didn’t cum _right then_ , they had fallen into a rhythm that was as familiar as it was annoying.

            They’d have sex, and then spend about two or three weeks dancing awkwardly around each other, making any excuse not to be around the other and avoiding eye contact when they were forced to be in the same room. Until they couldn’t take it anymore and collided again, starved and desperate for each other’s touch. Rinse, wash, and fucking repeat.

            So it came as a shock to Dave when, after only a single week from their last romp, Dirk was leaning against him and looking over his shoulder at Dave’s blog, feigning interest as an excuse to be close to his twin.

            Dave pulled his headphones off his ears to rest around his neck, giving his brother a murmured, “Sup, broski. Need something?”

            Dirk glanced back at the doorway to their bedroom, where they could hear Bro clacking away at his computer, then back to Dave. “Got you a present,” he replied.

            “Please tell me it’s not your dick in a box,” Dave smirked. Dirk smirked back.

            “When have I ever boxed my dick up for you?” he retorted teasingly. Then they both tensed and awkwardly busied their hands with something else, Dave going back to his computer keyboard and Dirk shoving his hands into his pocket to look for his present.

            Dirk glanced back at the open door one last time to make sure Bro was still busy and then gingerly set down a plastic rectangle. Dave’s jaw dropped and he, too, hurried glanced to the door to make sure the coast was clear before mouthing his reply to Dirk, afraid even whispering would get them caught.

            “A fake I.D.??” He mouthed, eyebrows shooting above his shades in disbelief.

            “Only for one night, then I have to give them back,” Dirk mouthed back.

            “Why??” Dave asked, and Dirk nudged him aside to look something up on the computer. He pointed at a name listed under “Guest DJ” on a club’s website, which just happened to be DJ Birdboy, one of Dave’s favorite DJs.

            “You want to go?” Dirk asked quietly. “Tonight, while Bro’s out doing whatever?”

            Dave nodded enthusiastically, not trusting his voice to stay quiet. He hugged his brother excitedly, not thinking about it until he felt Dirk stiffen against him. He pulled away quickly, cheeks heating up. “Uh, sorry,” he muttered. Dirk cleared his throat awkwardly and wrote down a time on a scrap of paper. Dave nodded in understanding and Dirk quickly left the room.

 

            The bar was packed. DJ Birdboy was reputed for being the youngest, hottest, and the sicknastiest DJ currently mixing. It was no wonder word of him DJing for this bar blew up and got them three times their average venue. Dave was practically vibrating beside his brother as they waited in the line.

            The bouncer squinted a bit at their I.D.s but finally let them in, and Dave immediately pointed to the DJ booth, where DJ Birdboy was playing the crowds just as well as he played his turntables. Dirk noted that yeah, he was fairly attractive, but he was pretty sure he only thought that because the dude bore a striking resemblance to Dave.

            “He’s so cool!” Dave grinned excitedly, tugging on Dirk’s arm. Dirk shrugged.

            “Yeah, I guess his beats are pretty dope,” he responded, trying not to sound jealous that Dave was drooling over some other guy. Dave hugged him around the neck and gave him a big smooch.

            “Thank you for bringing me here, Dirk! You’re the best!” he grinned.

            “Dude, I thought we weren’t gonna do this anymore? Also, _we’re in public_ ,” Dirk reminded, glancing around nervously. Dave’s face flushed and he quickly pulled away, rubbing at his arm nervously.

            “Ah, sorry… I’m gonna go dance. Try not to get smashed, okay?” he said, then turned and wiggled his way past drunken people towards the dance floor. Dirk sighed to himself and went to the bar, plopping down in a spot where he could clearly see his twin. Didn’t want some creep touching up on him, did he?

            Dirk ordered himself a fruity orange drink with a red umbrella sticking out of it, something the girl next to him recommended him. “Tastes good, will probably give you a nice little buzz, but won’t have you worshipping the porcelain princess, if ya know what I mean,” she explained, winking at him.

            “You come here often?” he asked her casually as he sipped his drink and tried not to make a face.

            “Long enough to know when someone just got himself a fake I.D.,” she responded easily, black painted lips curling knowingly when Dirk hunched his shoulders guiltily. “It’s alright, sweetheart, I won’t tell anyone. Roxy ain’t no snitch,” she teased, patting him on the knee. He gave her a grateful smile.

           Dirk panicked for a second when he didn’t see Dave immediately upon looking back, scanning the dancers for his brother quickly. He relaxed when he found Dave sans shades, dancing with two girls, one tall in a teal dress and the other with long black hair and a neon green dress.

            “Is that your boyfriend?” Dirk’s bar friend, apparently named Roxy, asked teasingly, nudging him. Dirk blushed and shrugged at her. “I always flirt with the gay ones,” she sighed, pretending to look mournful.

            “Sorry to disappoint,” He replied back with a chuckle. If he _had_ been into girls (and not in love with his twin brother), he might consider hooking up with her.

            “Don’t be sorry, babe, it’s no one’s fault but fate,” Roxy sighed dramatically. Then she jumped to her feet. “Good luck with the cutie over there, sweetie!” she called, disappearing before Dirk could reply to her. How could she tell he was gay? Or that he was into Dave? Was he that obvious? Or was she just scarily perceptive?

            His attention was captured by Dave, who had begun dancing alone after the two girls disappeared. The song playing was provocative and sexy, and Dave had begun to swing his hips and shake his ass. Dirk imagined being able to grind up against Dave on the dance floor, hands on Dave’s hips and Dave’s ass pressed against-

            When did that boner get there? Dirk crossed his legs in embarrassment, hoping no one would notice. He couldn’t keep his eyes off his sexy brother, though, enthralled in watching the other boy roll his hips and run his hands against his body.

            Their eyes met, almost as if Dave could feel him watching, and Dave’s lips curled into a smirk. Dirk tried to busy himself with his drink, but then he watched Dave lick his lips seductively at him and he was done.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> broke it up into two chapters because it was too long
> 
> also, I had to delete a bunch of Dirk and Roxy's interaction and rewrite some of it because it had unnecessary dialogue.


	2. Dave Gets a Screaming Orgasm

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> the twins get nasteh! ;) and DJ Birdboy reveals he's into twins who fuck each other.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> the sex! I had to make the fic two chapters because it was too long, hope you don't mind!
> 
> Enjoy!

            Dirk weaved easily through the crowd, eyes on Dave’s. Dave had stopped dancing, looking both nervous and extremely turned on. He didn’t fight as Dirk grabbed him by the wrist and dragged him off the dance floor.

            “What’s wrong, Dirk?” Dave asked teasingly once they were away from the crowd and could hear each other again. Dirk continued to lead them down a hall until he stopped in front of the men’s bathroom. “You could’ve just asked if you wanted a bathroom buddy,” Dave commented as Dirk pulled him into the bathroom.

            Dirk glanced under the stalls for feet, then shoved Dave into the big stall and pushed him up against the stall door. “You are in _so_ much trouble,” he growled, tugging his shades off and shoving them into his pocket. Dave’s eyes shined excitedly, filled with thrilled fear and lust.

            “What are you gonna do to me, Dirk? I’m just a fragile little flower, you know,” Dave asked playfully. Dirk scoffed and surged forward to capture his twin’s mouth, pressing into him harder.

            Dave melted into him easily, moving his mouth against Dirk’s as if on instinct. Dirk ran his tongue along the other’s bottom lip, and Dave let him in instantly, moaning when Dirk shoved his tongue into his mouth.

            When they finally had to part for air, Dirk’s mouth immediately went to Dave’s neck to nip and suck at the sensitive skin. Dave licked his lips, still tasting the fruity beverage Dirk had been drinking. “What were you even drinking? Was it the drink of the night? The girls I was dancing with says it was something called a ‘Screaming Orgasm’? Was that what you had?” he inquired.

            Dirk dropped to his knees, undoing Dave’s tight jeans. “No, but that’s what you’ll be having when I’m done with you,” he smirked up at Dave as he shoved his jeans and boxers down to his ankles. Dave’s cock was hard and waiting for him, as expected. Dirk watched his twin closely as he swirled his tongue along the head of his cock.

            Dave moaned, hands coming up to tangle in Dirk’s hair. Dirk made a sound of disapproval about his hairstyle being messed up, but didn’t stop what he was doing. He licked a broad stripe from the base of Dave’s dick all the way to his head, where he sucked gently.

            Dave whimpered, banging his head on the stall door behind him. Dirk hummed around him, bobbing his head down over his brother’s cock. “D-don’t stop, Dirk,” he whined. Dirk didn’t have any plans to stop, swallowing his dick down farther.

            Suddenly, the bathroom door opened, and a voice was speaking to someone outside as he came in. “Calm down, dude, I just want a short break to wash my hands and get a drink. I’ll get back to the booth in a bit,” the man spoke, scoffing as the door shut. “Slave driver,” he muttered to himself as he made his way to the sink.

            Dave and Dirk met eyes, Dirk smirking around him and Dave shaking his head hurriedly. He didn’t want to be caught getting his dick sucked by his twin by anyone, but _especially_ not by his idol, DJ Birdboy. But he had told Dirk not to stop, and Dirk wasn’t going to.

            Dave bit back a moan as Dirk swallowed down his entire length, bobbing his mouth up and down quickly. He covered his mouth to avoid crying out in pleasure, hoping the sound of the water running in the sink would cover up his labored breathing.

            The other man in the bathroom, DJ Birdboy, paused in the middle of the bathroom. Dirk gave a hard suck around him and Dave accidentally whimpered out loud. The DJ chuckled and made his way to the exit. Before he left he called back into the bathroom, “Have fun!” in a singsong voice.

           Dave let his weight sag, humiliated. “Oh my god, Dirk, he heard us!” he complained. Dirk pulled off his cock with a wet pop.

            “He heard _you_ , you mean,” he corrected. “Want me to stop?”

            “Fuck no, keep sucking,” Dave growled, tugging on Dirk’s blonde hair. Dirk grinned and went back to sucking at his dick, pulling his own out of his pants and jerking himself off in time with the bob of his head.

            Dave was steadily getting louder. “Fuck, Dirk, please, please,” he begged, shaking all over. Dirk swallowed him down all the way, orange eyes locking with Dave’s red ones. “I’m gonna cum,” Dave warned, and Dirk hummed around him, sucking at him harder. With a loud cry of pleasure, Dave pulled his twin’s head down onto his cock and came down his throat.

            Dirk swallowed everything his brother had to give, moaning around him. Dave tugged him off his oversensitive cock, and Dirk whined, hand rubbing insistently at his dick. Dave knelt down to his level, shoving his tongue into the other man’s mouth. He wrapped his hand around Dirk’s on his cock, guiding his hand until Dirk was moaning into his mouth and releasing all over the floor.

            “That was great…” Dirk sighed, slumping against his brother. Dave rolled his eyes.

            “Come on, let’s try to make it look like we weren’t just fucking in the bathroom,” he retorted.

            They cleaned each other off quickly and tried to clean the floor too before realizing it was useless. They sent a silent apology to whoever had to clean the bathroom and left, hoping no one could tell. Tired from their previous activity, Dave joined Dirk at the bar, ordering a ‘Screaming Orgasm’ while smirking at Dirk. Dirk rolled his eyes.

            After a while of people watching, someone sat down beside him. “Did you enjoy your screaming orgasm?” he asked. Dave turned and let his jaw drop when he saw it was DJ Birdboy!

            “Uh, y-yeah, it’s a good drink,” Dave stuttered out, gesturing to his empty cup. He currently was drinking the same thing Dirk had been drinking. The ginger chuckled, sipping at his own drink before replying.

            “Actually, I was referring to the one you had in the bathroom,” he smirked. Dave choked on his drink, and Dirk just laughed.

            “I made that same joke actually, nice one,” he grinned, holding out his fist. DJ Birdboy indulged him with a fistbump. “I’m Dirk, this is Dave,” he introduced.

            “Aw man no way, my name is Dave too!” DJ Birdboy revealed. “Dave Sprite, though nowadays I’m either Davesprite, because somehow my full name is now jammed together? Or DJ Birdboy, of course,” he explained.

            A man called Davesprite’s name then, pointing impatiently first to his watch then to the empty DJ booth. “You have to go?” Dave asked, sounding just as disappointed as he was. Davesprite huffed, reaching into his pocket as he spoke.

            “Yeah, guys, sorry. But listen, take this so we can get in touch later,” he answered as he handed over a scrap of paper with his name and cellphone number on it. He winked at them and added, “Call me!”

            “Which one of us?” Dirk called as Davesprite started to retreat.

            “Both! I’ve always had a thing for twins!” he called with a laugh, blowing them a kiss and running off to get back to work. Dave and Dirk exchanged surprised looks.

            “So. Threesome?” Dirk finally suggested as he pocketed Davesprite’s number.

            “Hell fucking yes,” Dave grinned back, “Let’s blow this joint, Bromeo. We’ll call Davesprite tomorrow.” They high fived and held hands as they left the club, minus their worries about their own relationship and plus plans to add a third to said relationship.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ooooooooohhhhhhh
> 
> I'm still bad at ending fics, ugh.
> 
> the thing with Davesprite just kind of. Happened. idk how
> 
> [ Stridercestweek 2017 calendar link](http://stridercest--week.tumblr.com/post/154873481976/)
> 
> [ NSFW Stridercestweek 2017 calendar link](http://stridercest--week-nsfw.tumblr.com/post/155563988810/)


End file.
